Letting go of the past is not easy. Each and everyone of us have made mistakes and done things that later on we look at and wonder why we made those choices. Our choices do not define our lives, how we handle the consequences is what truly matters. I will be the first to admit that I have made mistakes, done things I shouldn't have and hurt people that meant a lot to me. My actions or words made an impact on their lives and each of those moments is a growing opportunity whether you realize it or not. Everyone has done things in their past that they aren't proud off but the one thing I have learned while in recovery is living in the past will only poison your mind and will not heal you.
Moving on is hard because you think of the all the things you could've done to correct your behavior but in the end, you have to realize that sometimes it's always possible. It's a hard pill to swallow but you can't stay in the past and expect things to get better. Moving on doesn't mean you're forgetting what happened, it means you're accepting your actions and moving past the memories that hurt you. Letting go isn't always easy but it is something that you need to do in order to move on and deal with your actions. If you live in the past, you will never see what the present and future can bring you. Letting go is hard, difficult, and sometimes you wonder if it's really worth it but let me ask this question. Is living in the past really what you want? Reliving memories will only bring you pain, regret, and cause you to feel down. Once you accept what happened and you are able to deal with the ramifications, you can only make things right by letting go of the things that hurt you, the moments you wish that didn't, and correcting your behavior. Living in the past will only bring you pain. Looking to the present and future will help you realize that it's okay to let go because in order to move on you have to let go. This is not an easy blog to write but it is something that we all need to realize. Let go of things that hurt you and move on to bigger and better things that will help you grow and help you realize that hardships, painful memories, and things you went through may have tested you but you got through it. I hit a big milestone yesterday. I turned 30 and entered a new era of my life. Turning 30 is huge for anyone including myself and as I look back on my 20’s, I think of all the lessons I learned. Entering my 30’s is daunting but also full of lessons, hope, and growth. The last two years of my twenties have been full of hardships, life lessons, and growth and I have been able to see myself change for the better. That means growing mentally, physically, and emotionally and I know it would only continue into my 30’s. 30’s can be scary but I look to my 30’s as a chance for me to turn my life into the a life that I have always wanted. I want to achieve and conquer my goals and make new ones and I still have a lot to learn and every lesson will be a growing opportunity for me. I used to be afraid of hard lessons but I know understand that each lesson in my life can help me grow as a person no matter how hard it is. Hardships will help you grow, make you stronger, and also teach you that not everything is easy. Here is to my 30's. I can't wait to see what is in store for me. The good, the bad, the hardships, the milestones, and what I can achieve will only help me grow as a person and I am will overcome any obstacles I face. You're probably thinking why on earth would it be helpful? I have friends and families to talk about my problems and help me work through them. Well, that's great that you but what I'm about to tell you might change your mind about therapy whether it's individual or group therapy. Growing up, I used to hear the word therapy and think," Only people with serious problems see a therapist." It is partly true but I learned throughout my experiences good and bad that therapy can be beneficial and helpful to anyone.
First off, they don't know as friends and family do. It's like talking to a stranger but they help you work through your emotions, problems, and other issues you are facing. They are also unbiased so they will a clear perspective on what they think is going on and how you can work through it and be a peace with the situation. When I was diagnosed with Depression in High School, I saw a therapist and it wasn't the best experience. After two weeks, I stopped going because all we would do is sit in and silence and he would give me information that I didn't feel was important to my issues. I have gone through good and bad therapists and I'm finally at the point where I have a really great therapist and psychiatrist. Going to therapy isn't just to get your issues out into the open, it's a way of expressing them to someone in a constructive manor and trying to solutions to help you in day to day life. Every time it's different with my therapists and each time I feel like something good was accomplished. I won't lie and say every session is easy because I'm dealing with my emotions, issues, and situations where I may have not acted my best or I don't like talking about. But, once it's out in the open, I am able to look at it in a constructive manner and we are able to talk about the situation and find solutions. Even if it was a tough session, I feel like progress was made in the session. Being a better person is hard and takes a lot of change and therapy can be helpful and beneficial if you feel you aren't getting the results you want. If you find you don't like it or don't like the therapist, you can always find a new one even though sometimes it's very difficult. My point is that therapy isn't bad and shouldn't be looked with scorn or stigma. It can be helpful, beneficial, and help you make better decisions in your life. The future is bright. I am looking towards it with optimism, positivity, and confidence. I'm graduating from college in December and getting my grad degree in Psychology and having a successful career doing something that I love, enjoy, and makes me happy. The last few weeks have been full of high and lows and I've learned that I am still growing as an individual and because of that I make mistakes and do stupid things. Do I regret that my actions hurt people? Absolutely. Do I feel bad that it made them lose respect and trust for me? Yes I do. But I can't dwell on that because it will only cause me more anxiety, frustration, and heartache.
I am looking towards to the future because I can only grow and become a better person. I'm in therapy to work on my issues and I would like to say that we all have our issues and I'm trying to find a way to deal with mine and handle things better. I overreact, I get emotional, I worry, I get anxious when people I love are hurt, sick, or dealing with their health. It's how I am but I have to do a better way of handling those emotions when I'm around other people. The past is behind me and I am focusing on the present and the future. To the people I hurt, I wished them the best and know they'll do amazing in their own careers. I can't dwell on things that I can't fix because it only makes the situation worse. I have to focus on my life and move forward to make the decisions that I want to make in my own life. My intentions were to never hurt anyone but they did and I take full responsibility for that. This is behind me and I am moving forward with my life. I will continue my advocacy while in treatment to get better and become a more productive member of the Mental Health community. I want to see Stigma end and I will help in anyway possible but first I need to focus on me and get better with my issues before doing anything else. I am doing just that. I'm looking toward the future with good expectations, happiness, confidence, and accomplished with whatever I chose to do in my path. I know I can make a difference, I just have to try and make my voice heard and not let anyone talk me out of it. I will become more brave, honest, trustworthy, and someone that can make things happen. Those are my goals for the future and I know I can accomplish them if I stay true to myself. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the perfect person. I've always said that perfection is unattainable and it is yet I still strive for it.
The last few weeks have been a bit stressful, upsetting, and full of anxiety. I made mistakes that I wish I hadn't made. I hurt people that I wish I had never hurt because I had the up most respect and adoration for them. But, I was foolish and in my wake of being emotional, overthinking, and being anxious I embellished something very serious and made it bigger than it was. Looking back, I am ashamed of my actions towards these people because they didn't deserve it. I have things I need to work and I was reminded of that after it happened. I ended up losing respect and trust from those I trusted because of my embellishing. It's something that I'm working on in therapy and in my own personal life. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be. When I make a mistake, I own up to it because it was my fault and I take responsibility for hurting those I care about. I'm trying to be a better person, it's going to take effort and it's a learning process for myself mentally and emotionally. I'm a very honest person and when I screw up, I take responsibility for my actions. On Monday, I had a two hour therapy session and embellishing was the main topic and I am working every day to get rid of that habit. It is a problem and it has hurt people that I cared about. I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to learn how I can be a better person and productive member of society and in the MH community. To those I've hurt in the past week or two, I regret it and I wish I could turn back time but I can't. I can apologize until I'm blue in the face but it's not up to me. Just know, that I am very sorry and truly regret my actions. I'm trying to work on my issues and become better. I will continued my advocacy as I try to work on my issues and become a more productive member of society and that someone can trust. I'm human, I make mistakes, I screw up and I own up to it. I regret hurting anyone that I've hurt in the last two weeks, it's not what I wanted but it happened and I'm paying the price for it. I don't expect forgiveness because I don't deserve it. I know this is only a blog post and I've apologized for my actions to those involved but I needed to share this. I fucked up and I know it. I'm trying to make amends and take responsibility for what transpired because it is my fault. I've realized that I'm far from being fully recovered and this is one set back but I know it will help be a stronger person in the end. My name is Megan and I've struggled with Mental Health all my life. I've seen what society can do to a person and how well they are treated if they have a mental illness or if they don't. Stigma exists in the Mental Health community and I am just one person trying to get rid of the stigma that we face. We are regular, normal, functional people who are wired differently than others. Anxiety is the main one I struggle with and it hits most people with a Mental Illness but we deal with it in different ways. We, are lumped into a category of the dangerous, insane, and violent individuals you see on TV and movies. Frankly, we've had enough of it. Just because we have a Mental Illness doesn't mean we are any of the those things. In fact, many of us are the opposite. The Mental Health system has failed many of us and some have fallen through the cracks. I for one, thinks it's time for a change. Society needs to wake up and realize that we are a big part of the community and not what people see in TV and movies. Our community is fed up with it and we want people to see for who we are and not our illnesses.
WE ARE BREAKING THE STIMGA.... Hi, welcome to to my site! It's just in the beginning stages. This blog is going to be about everything related to Mental Health, what we can do to reduce the stigma, how we can help others, and most importantly ending the stigma once and for all. Please stick around as I build the site! Thanks!!! :)
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AuthorHey! I'm Megan and this is my blog! Hope you enjoy it!!! :) Archives
August 2016
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